so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
