I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
