I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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