mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
