Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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