the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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