did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
