how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
