If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
