It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
