everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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