You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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