I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
