I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
