Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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