Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
