She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
