I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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