Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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