In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my shit smells like andre
she pinky promised me she was 18
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
