I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
