Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
