Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
