Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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