Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
