don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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