My sheets look like a crime scene.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
