matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
