Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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