dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
