Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
