you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize