I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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