I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
