Quick, to the slutcave!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
