Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize