We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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