Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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