Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
