That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
