I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
