He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
what is it with giant penises always finding me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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