the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
