It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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