I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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