i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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