I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
