Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
