Sry I called you an 8
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
