I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
