any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
