I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
