I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
