Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When are your genitals available?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
