Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
