I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
