R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
