When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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