how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
