Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
