I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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