my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
