in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
