shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
