My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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