Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
