Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
