Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
