Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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