Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize