break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize