where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
