i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
