the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
