what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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