you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
