I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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