sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
