when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
