Can i not drive my cunt home
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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