Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
