Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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