The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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